From Thinking, I Was Stupid to Learning Being My Superpower
This is an oldie but goodie awareness I had over 5 years ago. However, I realized even after becoming aware, there are still times I see this popping up in my life. That’s why learning is now my superpower because the inner work never stops.
For the longest time, I was convinced I was stupid. I literally thought something was wrong with my brain and I must be stupid.
This is probably why I have always been curious about our brains. I’ve always been fascinated with why we think the way we think and do the things we do.
I knew the way I thought was different and I had some learning challenges, but deep down inside, I knew I wasn’t stupid. I actually knew I was smarter than a lot of people but when it came to school I struggled.
I don’t often tell people how I was homeschooled on and off throughout my middle and high school years. It used to be a deep source of pain for me.
I’m not sure what your association with homeschooling is, but I know some people think really smart kids are home-schooled, or weird families homeschool their kids, or people in cults homeschool their kids because they don’t want them exposed to the world.
Well, my homeschool was definitely not “Oh because she’s so smart we need to make sure she can learn even more.” My parents did the best they could, but by no means were they ready to be my teachers, and they didn’t have all the tools we have today to help kids learn at home. So oftentimes, there were days where there was no educational learning, or maybe we would read a little book or watch a videotape.. yup, a videotape. Dating myself here…
When I studied for my ACT to go to college, it was a massive struggle for me. I think the highest score I got was 18. Not even acceptable for the university I was applying to, but somehow I got in on probation. I had to take all the prelim courses that weren’t even going to count for credits for my degree. The first semester my GPA was around 2.6, terrible. I had never been in a formal academic setting like this, and I wasn’t used to the testing system either.
I wanted to give you that history to understand how I started telling myself this story. I mean, I must be stupid; I can barely get into college, and my grades sucked. I was determined though to learn, and I didn’t want to be stupid. So I worked my butt off and ended up graduating in 3 years, and in my 3rd year, when I was taking 21 hours of credit, I got a 4.0 that semester! But I still believed that thought I was stupid.
I would tell Dave this, and he literally thought I was crazy. Over and over, when we talked about school, I would bring this up. I had convinced myself it was true.
I never really dealt with this lie, and I just pushed it down. I remember being in NYC building my career and thinking, “I hope one day they don’t figure out who I am.”
There is that imposter syndrome showing up…
This idea of me being stupid has actually turned out to be one of my greatest gifts. It pushed me to want to learn. For a while, I played victim to it, but once I learned it wasn’t true but an opportunity for me to grow and learn, it fueled me. It caused me to be open and curious, to want to learn and grow.
It became my superpower!
What thought or even thoughts are you telling yourself that you need to change? How can you turn these thoughts into the greatest fuel to push you into your superpower?
If I hadn’t had this belief, I might not be who I am today. Or worse I could have continued to believe that lie. This thought set me on the path of learning.
Have you ever been in a situation where you are finally at the point where you aren’t going to stand for something, not one more minute, not one more day?
Well, that was me, and I was determined to figure out my brain. The biggest awareness came when I realized I had been believing a lie, and it was affecting my confidence. I mean, if you think you are stupid, it’s going to hold you back from speaking up and acting, because you are always second-guessing yourself or thinking someone else should do it because they are smarter than you.
I think I also thought that one day I would learn everything I needed, and then I finally wouldn’t be stupid.
I wish I had the awareness sooner that life is a never-ending journey of learning. Ever heard the saying, “The older I get, the less I know”?
There is so much to learn in life. I feel like I am just getting started now.
One little line was affecting so much of me. I’m so grateful I had this awareness so many years ago.
What is one little line you are telling yourself that you know isn’t serving you? Now, for me, there were things that I needed to work on, there was no doubt about that, but instead of using that to reinforce my belief, I used that line to get me to solve the problem. Ok, what is it that I need to do?
Maybe you tell yourself you are fat, and there is some truth in the fact that you need to lose some weight. Instead of letting that line allow you to make decisions to reinforce your beliefs, like “you’re right, so I’ll have the coke and cookie,” reframe it. “Yes, I am overweight, and I am on the path to getting to my ideal weight – now what action can I take right now to get me there?”
It can’t tell the difference, so why not tell yourself a better line?
As many of you have seen from social media, I am reading a book called “I Am Enough.” I’m so blown away by this book; I can’t recommend it enough!
The author talks a lot about how the root of most of our issues is that we believe we are not enough. Whether that is dealing with impostor syndrome, waiting on someone to tell you what to do, or thinking you are stupid, it all seems to come down to the belief that we think we are not enough.
We were never conditioned to be successful or happy. Our brains are not hardwired for success, and definitely not for living a life of abundance.
We must train ourselves like athletes daily, getting ready for the Olympics, and knowing that the Olympics are never going to arrive, but life is like a daily marathon that we must run.
The difference is there is no judge, and no rules, except for the ones you create.
And only you can choose to enter the race. You can continue to let your caveman’s brain run your life in survival mode, or you can choose to reprogram it.
You can do the things that most people would say are crazy, or you can fit in like everyone else and be average and follow the social norms.
The advantage of this race is that there is no crash after the win because we just keep striving to become.
We never arrive; it’s simply a journey.
The becoming is the destination.
What if social norms aren’t really normal? What have you been following that culture says is normal that you need to question?
This is a new awareness that is on the top of my mind. More to come on this, but let’s take a few minutes this week to reflect on a few things.
2. Where have you gone unconscious, following the cultural norms that maybe shouldn’t be the norm?
To give you an example one of mine was having a glass of wine most nights. It’s totally acceptable in our society to have a glass of wine with dinner, but should this really be the norm? How is this really serving our health and our bodies?
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